It's been a while since I've written a "real post." Mostly, I've just been getting by with slapping up some pictures every now and then and typing up a rundown of daily events (boo hiss, lazy blogger.) Life's been busier than before, and I think I lost a few million brain cells after having Colton.
So, I decided to write a real post tonight. Not sure what that means. But here goes.
My life is really different than it was just a few months ago. Three months ago, I spent 40 hours a week in a cubicle surrounded by women my age. I read the news. I wrote articles that went out to thousands of people. I wore a skirt suit and panty hose five days a week. I slept in on the weekends if I wanted to. On Saturdays, I’d go out to breakfast at Jimmy’s Egg with my mom. Casey and I might stay up late enjoying a Battlestar Galactica or Dr. Who binge. I lived about 10 minutes away from almost all of my family.
Now, my life is so different than the way it used to be. I sometimes feel like a totally different person. The biggest change, of course, is having a tiny human who requires round-the-clock care. Other things are different too. I spend most of my days alone now. I definitely don’t wear pantyhose anymore or sleep in on Saturdays. My family is farther away and a late night movie binge just might kill me.
I also have a precious little baby in my life who I love so much. I love his sweet smiles and how he clings on to me when he cries. I love how he kicks his legs in his swing and blows spit bubbles when he’s tired.
I wouldn’t want to spend my days away from him. But, even though I’m where I want to be, I have struggled with feeling gloomy at times. I’m tired. I’m away from friends and family. Sometimes, Colton cries a lot, and I feel discouraged that I don’t know how to help him.
But, God is using these times to refine me and increase my faith in him. He is teaching me to be thankful for my struggles and weaknesses because it forces me to depend upon him.
The Holy Spirit has been impressing on me this week the need to stop focusing on myself and my circumstances and to turn my eyes to him instead.
His grace is sufficient. He is enough.
He has blessed me with a sweet baby and a wonderful husband. My family and friends live far closer to me than many people’s do. Through GFA, I have access to Godly teaching, accountability, and fellowship with an amazing group of believers. Casey and I have found a church that we really enjoy attending. I have lizards to eat the jumping spiders in my house. . . okay that last one may be a mixed blessing.
God is good. I’m blessed.
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature, and complete, not lacking anything."
James 1:2-4
3 comments:
Girl, I remember those days. I was out on a farm with a newborn, miles away from friends and family. The days can get long, but God will bring so much to your life. New season. I know it's hard, but you have the right frame of mind. Can't wait to see you this weekend.
I've thought about how much your life has changed. I can't really imagine it. I hope it get better as it becomes more normal for you..
Its really hard to move away from everyone that really knows you and who you are. But we still do and we miss you. :)
Summer, I just wanted you to know that I think of you and Casey often. I know it has to be hard to have so much change at once. I have thought many times about how lonely it can be with a small baby and for you to be in such a new place must make it doubly hard. I know I am not a mom, but I have gone many days without adult conversation and lots of poopy diapers. I will be praying for you. Your little boy is precious. I hope to see you guys sometime soon.
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