Rest for My Soul

I was flipping through one of my journals today and found an entry I'd written in March of 2009 on legalism and true righteousness. I could still relate to the struggle today, so I thought I would share it here.


"I feel a pull in different directions, sometimes to be free and do as I please. I know this is worldly. Then I feel a pull toward something that seems like holiness.

I would say that the pull toward "holiness" was from the Lord except for the fruit it produces in me. I feel judgemental, prideful, bitter, tired and anxious.

This reminds me of a line from Fellowship of the Ring. Frodo to Boromir, "I know what you would say, and it would seem like wisdom but for the warning in my heart."

This path to righteousness would seem like the right way were it not for the fruit it produces. The difference between true holiness and man-made righteousness is its origin.

Geniune righteousness is  a product of close fellowship with the Lord. Reflecting his image. In order to reflect something, one must be gazing into the object of reflection.

Legalism and earning my holiness comes from my own efforts. How hard can I try? How much can I sacrifice? How much do I love the Lord? It's a ll about me and my strength. I will save myself from Hell. I am more dedicated than other believers. I, me, myself.

This path of righteousness is hard and heavy. So much weight to carry. So much bitterness, pride, fear, disappointment, doubt, and anxiety.

Jesus told his disciples: "Unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 5:20

The disciples didn't understand this. The pharisees were the most holy people around. They sacrificed. The worked hard for God. 

But they were whitewashed tombs. Nice-looking on the outside, but full of death on the inside.

They were a "brood of vipers" not because they didn't try hard enough but because they tried to achieve holiness in their own strength. Their work produced bitterness and pride.  "Thank you God that I am not like other men..." was the murmur of their hearts.

But Jesus said his burden is light. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

"For God is working in you, giving you the desire to obey him and the power to do what pleases him." Philippians 2:13b

I want my desire and strength to obey God to come from a heart that has been touched by him. I want my hands to have the power to love, help, and work because they rest in the hands of the Father.

God, help me to stop working and start following."