Kirb Your Enthusiasm

Do you remember hearing the urban legend about how vampires can only come into your home and bite you if you invite them in? Well, the same is true for Kirby vacuum cleaner salesmen.

I know, I know. Everyone knows better than to let them in. But the woman who knocked on my door with the free candle was very persuasive. She told me that they knew I wouldn’t buy a vacuum, and that all they wanted was to do the 15 minute demo so that I would be able to tell my friends and family about how great the vacuum cleaners are. She said she’d get paid $25 just for coming in.

I really wanted to get my carpet cleaned, and somehow I ignored my better judgment and agreed to let this woman in to look at my carpet.

After that, it was all over for me. She reappeared with two guys. One to do the actual cleaning and then that guy’s boss. The guy who actually cleaned my carpet was pretty cool. He’s name was Devrel, and he used to teach school at Langston. We had fun joking around as he vacuumed my carpet, kitchen floor and ottoman. He even cleaned a really dirty vent in my hallway.

He never tried to sell me the vacuum cleaner. He just kept going with his demo. I thought I might get off scott-free! He did ask me if he could do the mattress test (the one where they suck a bunch of dead skin out of your mattress and show you how gross you are). But, I told him he couldn’t come into the bedroom.

If you’re starting to fear for my safety, don’t worry, Casey was home the whole time. But he was soaking in the bathtub – avoiding the salespeople, but listening to make sure I was okay.

An hour and half later, after Devrel got done cleaning my carpet, he called his supervisor to come back over. The supervisor was a rather short guy, around 22, dressed in slacks and a tie. I guess he was supposed to be the closer.

The little guy seemed friendly at first. However, when I told him there was no way I was going to buy a Kirby, he got very sulky. He made sarcastic remarks about why I couldn’t afford it, and when I just laughed it off, he pouted some more. Eventually, he gave up and said that he’d write something about a lack of funds that he usually writes on peoples' forms who are living off social security. I guess that was supposed to shame me into buying a Kirby, but it didn’t work.

Once they left, Casey and I had a laugh about it. Of course he chided me for letting them in the first place. But, when I showed him how shiny and pretty our vent looks, he saw a little more value in the whole experience. Especially since he got to hide out in the bathroom the whole time.

I’ve definitely learned my lesson though. Unless I know the person at my door, they are not coming inside. That goes for vampires and salespeople of all sorts.